


Someday you will find me

by dollylux



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Goodbyes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 00:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1798852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollylux/pseuds/dollylux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night between goodbyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someday you will find me

Raúl reaches into his pocket with a frown marking his features, his beer caught almost delicately in his free hand. He fidgets with his phone like he's new with it, with technology at all, but Guti knows that he's just not wearing his glasses and that he can't read whatever is now on his screen. He glances up at Guti for help but Guti only smiles, his eyes never leaving Raúl's.

"Is it Iker?"

"I don't know," Raúl mutters, trying not to squint as he runs his thumb over the screen, absently taking another long drink of beer and finishing it off as a result. "Why do you think it's him?"

"Because he just texted me, too." Guti looks up past Raúl and into the night behind him, the hundreds and thousands of lights that make up the buildings that make up Madrid. There were days in the past when he found it ugly, artificial, inhuman. Tonight he thinks it's the most beautiful city in the world.

Raúl sighs and sets the empty bottle down to his other empty bottle. He rubs his face with his hands and takes in a deep breath that expands his lean chest and leaves him deflated once its gone. "I don't know if I wanna talk to him. I don't know if I ever want to talk to anyone but you again."

Guti grins for that like he always did at any mention of just the two of them forever, his white teeth flashing like a blade in the night. "You picked a shitty time to make that decision. I just bought a house in Beşiktaş."

Raúl sits up straight again because he always does and he gives Guti a tired smile. They stare at each other for awhile, such a while that Guti's hands go numb around his bottle.

"I can't believe this is happening."

"Really?" Guti's eyes are piercing but warm and Raúl doesn't sense any mockery in them. He nods and Guti looks more thoughtful then. "I used to think about this all the time. What it'd be like when we left. I always wondered if I'd leave before you and I always wondered how this would feel. This night."

"And?"

Guti takes a deep breath and he shifts in his chair, looking away from Raúl's eyes again because sometimes it's just too much.

"And... it hurts. It fucking hurts. A lot."

Raúl nods in agreement, his own eyes unfocused and sad. He wants another beer but can't make himself move to get one.

"Nothing will ever be the same, Guti. Not ever."

Guti doesn't respond because he doesn't know how, because sometimes Raúl has a way of saying things that he never even wants to think about that strike a chord in him, that cut and cut at him until he feels like he's going to fall apart and he can sense it happening right now, thread by thread, word by word. He moves his head in the tiniest nod of agreement, a plea for Raúl to continue.

"After tonight, it'll all be over. We won't belong here anymore. I don't even... I don't know how to deal with that. I don't know how to... how to be without Real Madrid. Why do I have to leave at all? Why..."

"Because we're not young anymore."

Raúl glances away, his eyes glittering with emotion and the first hint of tears and he hates it. He hates that word, young. He hates it because he's lost it long ago, because it's not his anymore.

"I... I still think that... I mean..."

"We're not young anymore, Raúl." It's softer this time, more tender. Guti leans closer and his hand touches Raúl's rough cheek and Raúl still can't look him in the eyes. "We can't change that."

"How are we not young," he whispers, a small tremor setting up in his fingers but he stills them immediately. "Why can't we still be those kids we were when we started? Don't you remember? Don't you remember exactly what it was like?" He looks pleading now and Guti can't help but nod. "Me, too. I still feel the same. I'm still the same boy."

"I know you are." Guti's voice nearly cracks and he moves even closer, cupping Raúl's cheek and he's so desperate to comfort him, to fill any of this void that Raúl is feeling, to plug any of this pain in this man, this great man, this good man. This beautiful boy in front of him. "You're just the same as you were. You look just the same to me." He runs his fingers over Raúl's jaw and up over one of his eyebrows, down across to the faint laugh lines near his eye. "You'll always be that boy to me."

"We've never lived in different cities, Guti. Never. We've never been apart."

Guti takes in a short breath then, the realization hitting him hard and it hurts. It physically hurts.

"It's not fair."

He digs his forehead into Raúl's and they tremble against each other just there, foreheads pressing probably too hard but it's what they need. It always feels right as long as it's just the two of them. Raúl draws a breath to kiss Guti but he's startled by the sound of his phone again. He sighs loudly as Guti smiles and pulls away, nodding down at his phone.

"See who it is."

Raúl pulls his phone back out and squints down at it this time until a name comes into view. His smile is faint but real.

"Sergio."

Guti smiles.

"What'd he say?"

" 'You're always my captain, no matter what.' " Raúl sounds a little breathless, a little tearful. He runs his finger gently over the screen and sifts back until he finds Iker's message from earlier. He pauses for a long moment before he lifts his smile up to Guti. "Amazing."

"What?"

"That's exactly what Iker said, too."

Guti's grin is instant and he leans forward to kiss Raúl, to taste the nostalgia of his tears, to taste the tenuous night there, this night between goodbyes. Guti's phone chirps not once but twice and they laugh against each other's mouths.

"Our boys."

"I almost wish they could be here."

Guti captures his mouth again and he realizes that this may be one of the last nights for them. It just might be.

"No. Not tonight. This is ours."


End file.
